Monthly Archives: January 2020

Pressure to Buy

White Store on Granville

“White Store on Granville” Phone Photo DS

Somehow over the past month, I find myself susceptible to ads coming by e-mail.  It is fun to peruse the various choices of the clothes that I could need; that I must surely need at 30% off the regular price.  There is even an end date to the sale adding a vague feeling of panic that I worry I might be sorry if I do not act now to procure those new boots, the tartan shirt, or costume jewellery for a nebulous social event.

When I delete the e-mails out of hand, a feeling of missing out assails me.  On the days when I take a closer look, and allow myself to browse; even after I delete it, I wonder if I should retrieve it from the deleted items file.  I know it is there.

On occasions, that have happened too frequently lately, I will print the ad and stuff it into my large black bag.  Under the guise of grocery shopping, I find myself at the mall.   I convince myself that it is good for me to mall walk in inclement weather.

Every time, I find and purchase something that would look good on me; that would go with what I already have in my closet.  Invariably something draws me back to the store.  The slippers pinch my toes.  I must return them.  This time I find the necklace that works with the earrings I already have.  Another loyalty card nestles into my wallet.

Habitually, I am called back to shop.  I have not brought the coupon.  The card was not validated on time.  Once seen, I buy the item anyway.

I add to my guilt load.  I purge with a flurry of deleting.  Intrusive thoughts arrive in my dreams like into my inbox.  The one that got away, the one that did not come in my size, is the Blackwatch shirt that would have made me look great.  I find myself actually grieving.